Not Made Alone

There is a version of strength that looks like doing everything alone — and I spent years calling it independence. Today we are talking about what that isolation really costs, and why God never designed you to carry all of it by yourself.

This is also our first VIDEO episode — and if you've been following along since February, you know how big this moment is. You can now see my face when I say: you are not meant to do this alone.

In this episode:
→ The season I tried to carry everything and what it broke in me
→ The difference between protecting your peace and hiding behind walls
→ What real, God-sent community actually requires of you
→ Why vulnerability comes before trust — not after

This week's affirmation: "I release the need to carry everything alone. God placed people in my life to walk with me — and I am open to giving and receiving real community."

Scripture: Ecclesiastes 4:9–10

Journal prompt: Where have you been isolating yourself and calling it independence? What would it cost you to let someone in?

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Big Eye Girl Podcast. I'm Keith Glover, and this space is for the single woman, the single parent, and the woman who is rediscovering herself. We talk about faith, healing, wellness, and what it really looks like to build a life you are proud of. No polish, just honesty and real community. So I'm glad you're here. Let's get into it. I am key and girl, keep your eyes open. Can I ask you something? Can I ask you something like real? When was the first time? When was the actual time that you let someone in? Not the surface version of you. Not the I'm fine version. The real one. The one that's tired. The one that's carrying on like she is cool, she's good. Because I had to ask myself that question one time, and I was surprised. I was surprised at the answer y'all straight up. I was definitely surprised. Well, welcome to the Big Eye Girl Podcast. I am Keith. I am a cosmetologist, I am an educator, entrepreneur, and best of all, with all those titles, I'm a single mom. And a woman healing in public. Is that what I prefer? Absolutely not. I don't think no one likes to heal in public. I think we like to put on that we have a healed version of ourselves in public. We don't want to let nobody see our scars. We don't want to see let nobody see our fears, our vulnerabilities, our inadequacies, our inconsistencies. We don't want to let nobody see all that stuff because in the world today we believe that you are supposed to just be perfect. Everything's supposed to be top-tier. Chef's kiss. But in reality, life is not like that, and you have to heal, and some people have to allow you, you have to allow some people to see your healing. Because in the walk, and I mean when I say in the walk, when you're walking with Christ and you're walking in your faith, that's what helps somebody else come overcome. That's what lets somebody else to encourage them to have some little hope to ignite their faith. Yeah, that's that's what it is. So before we go anywhere else today on this podcast, today, I want to connect us with some breath. All right, come on with me. So if you're somewhere and you can sit down, have a seat, please have a seat. Erect your spine, make sure you're sitting up straight. That's that great body posture, right? Allow your eyes to flutter closed if you are in a place that you can do that, in a space that you can do that. As you close your eyes, sis. Allow yourself to breathe in. Think about that one person who is showing up for you consistently. That one person that really, really showed up for you. Hold them in your mind. Now breathe in solely, breathe in gratitude for that person, hold it and breathe out. Releasing any wall you have been holding up. Now let's do that one more time. Go in through the nose very slowly. Hold and release. Right. Remember that you're holding that person that has shown up for you. You're holding them in that space. So inhale into the nose. Hold at the top, expressing that gratitude to them. And breathe out, releasing every wall that you have holding up. Since you can take this modality and you can use it whenever you need to, wherever you are, whenever you're thinking about a person that has really just shown up for you, or they probably just showed up for you just recently today. Take a breath, take it all in and give thanks. Okay?

SPEAKER_00 4:46

Don't forget that.

SPEAKER_01 4:47

And also when we're taking breath, it help calm your little your little cell phone down. I have some affirmation. I have an affirmation that I definitely want to share with you. I release the need to carry everything alone. God placed people in my life to walk with me, and I am open to giving and receiving real community. I'm gonna read that one more time. I release the need to carry everything alone. God has placed people in my life to walk with me, and I am open to giving and receiving real community. Say that again if you need, write it down. This affirmation is for this whole week. You can find it located on my Instagram, on my TikTok, and on my Facebook. So all my social media platforms. I list uh affirmation, uh, journal prop every single week. So type in. You need it, believe me. It'll help. It'll help filter out some things that's going on in your mind. It'll help share it with somebody else who you think it may help and it may resonate, but they may need it. We all need some words that just uplift us, right? So speak life into us to remind us exactly of who we are, whose we are, and how far we have come to celebrate those things. This season you try to do it all along, right? We try to do it all along. We had seasons in our life where we were like, yeah, I'm doing it all alone. And I can honestly say for myself, these past, this past season, this current season I in, I'm in, I haven't actively, I won't say forcing myself to not do it alone, but I've been intentional about how I move about it. Why? Because I have been that independent. I and D E N P N D E N C, which you know about me. I'm my own car, I'm my own creed. I was her and I wanted to be her. I thrived to be her. I strived to be her. I won't say I thrived to be her, but I definitely strive to be her. And I seen that that was just a waste. I won't say it was a waste of time because I learned in that space. I learned a lot about uh about myself. I learned where I was weak. I learned that I did not like vulnerability. I learned that this was this thing called life was actually made for us to do with people. And I'm not talking about a significant other because we think like when we have to do life with someone, we think about a significant other, our partner, husband, a wife, all the things, right? But that is not technically why we were created, we just created for community. I mean, you can do it with a community of the women, um, a community with women and men, you can do with your family, family that you choose. But we're we're created to do things together. So I remember a moment where I think, and I've said this in past episodes, um, when I was pregnant with my son before I got pregnant, I was just determined to no let me not go to that one because I got a the storyteller got a a ton of stories to share with y'all, right? I just had my son, and I was determined to get out of my parents' house because one, I was still ashamed, I was dealing with a lot of guilt, I was deep in um post-proturned depression, and did not have a lot of outlets that I couldn't explain myself. So I wanted to get away, and I thought that getting away would actually help me to see, or helped not even help me to see, to show others that I could do it, I got this, and I can do it better than you did. That was really like at the core of it. But I didn't want nobody to see what I was doing, I wanted to do it a different way, and even in that um intention, I still was lacking information, I was still lacking wisdom in the area because I did not know how to be a mom. And I needed people around me, whether or not I believed that their way of walking their path and motherhood was not how I wanted my motherhood um journey to be. It was something still to glean from. And wisdom would have showed me that if I would have set my little cell phone down somewhere, but I didn't. And in that I went on, did my thing, and was able to get a nice place with my son and I. I got some help, I got more got more gigs for um for work, start traveling, doing all the things, but I was spinning out my I was spinning out so fast that I wasn't having any control and no structure in how I was doing the thing. And it I was starting to listen to people who I thought had my best interests at heart, but at the same time, it was people that were not allowing me to really heal from being pregnant, from being abandoned in my pregnancy, from going into a chapter of my life and not really burying the older version of myself so that the new version of who he is was becoming could really be nurtured and cultivated. You follow me? So that took me into some places where I've started to gravitate to some old patterns, and in those old patterns, it cost me something. It cost me um somewhat my my security, my confidence in myself. Uh, I started searching and then I just broke down and I began to just pray, my God, I just want to leave a land. I just think I think I need to leave here and get away from all of this to recalibrate myself, not knowing that where I believed to go, which was back to my hometown, would be a place where God would actually um unfold things about me. And I began to blossom up. But in my surrendering to that, I left everything here in Atlanta. Um, my son was too, and it was not easy at first getting back to Detroit, but we acclimated well. We started to, I was able to bond with some of my siblings. Um, my son had community around him. Also, we were welcomed to a community with sisters at um a salon that I work at. Shout out to Texas by Never D in Detroit. If you're in Detroit, go get your hair done there. Um and I was able to evolve and be be seen, be heard, be felt, be accounted for um by women who were going through the same areas that I had and I was traveling, and it felt good. But the reason why I'm painting this story for y'all, but I wanted y'all to see where it was a season though, where I thought everything was good, but I was really spinning out of my wools and not dealing with me. But then when I finally transitioned, I started to surrender to God about where he wanted us to be and aligned with his will for my life, it landed me in a place that I didn't know. And people are like, Well, Keith, that's your hometown. I still didn't know it. I hadn't been home in 20 years, so I did not know it. I did not, even though there was family there, I did not know it. Detroit had changed so much. But certain parts uh were still the same. So it was some act, some things that we had to I had to um adjust to on my walk. Did it cost me a lot when I was trying to do things alone? It it did. It cost me um the very nice townhouse that I had in um downtown Atlanta. Well, it wasn't down, it was it's the area called Old Fourth Ward. And honey, I love the space. And I was it was just favorite. Got the space, had the fun, but I didn't have enough, I didn't have wisdom. So I lost it. And that hurt because then I had a downgrade. I was embarrassed about that, and I had a downgrade to an area that I really didn't like, and then from that downgrade, I went to back to Detroit living in my father's basement in the middle of the winter. So yeah, it cost me, and people like, well, that's status, that's things like that, it cost me comfort, it cost me the things that I nice things that I like, it cost me pride, you know, and ego, and had to let some things go. But when it shifted, when I started to, when I was in that basement, and I said, God, I know that wherever I go, you're there, and my son is here, but I know that I'm not supposed to stay in the basement. And I had a moment where I had a glimpse of like the story in the Bible about Joseph. Joseph was the child that was adored by his father. He had the coats of many colors and all the things, and his siblings wanted to get rid of him. And he ended up being in some really dark places. He was in jail, he was um one of the manservants for the umphorotipher and all the things. And he never gave up faith, he never gave up hope, even in those dark places. And I remember being in the basement and saying, like, God, help me get out of here, help me, where am I, where did I miss it? And I I asked for forgiveness. I had to begin to forgive myself, and I had to process some things that were like really hard to process and to think about. Um, really deal with the fact that I'm I'm raising a child and I will be raising a child without a father. And how did that look? One of him, you know, going against the stereotype that women can't raise a child. Women can't raise a boy child by themselves. So I have a misogynist father who is like very masculine, very, you know, men, men, men, men, child needs a boy, child needs their dad. So I'm now in a home where I'm constantly hearing that um narrative, and it is breaking me in a space in a way that emotionally I can't really uphold. So I'm clinging on to God, and that's when a shift started to happen. I started to really tap into the gifts that God gave me, look for a shop where it could edify me, things like that. And I remember a friend of mine, he um he said to me, I know where I need you need to be. And he lifted up a space, and that's how I did that. Textures by Nefertini. That space held me. That's all I know, and that's where the shift happened. I tapped back in, I tapped into the woman I was becoming, not who I was, not the key before Noah. I tapped into the woman I was becoming, but the woman that was before my son actually birthed her, and that's the part where I let people in who I did not know. God sent me somewhere, and they let me in. Everybody in there. Now some was like, you know, looking at me sidehouse, trying to scope me up, and all the things. And that's cool because that's how us determineers do. But that's how people do when they when their community is sacred, where their space is sacred, where they don't want a lot of shifting, but they want people to integrate into the space that are supposed to be there and that are post and are going to build the community up. Because when you go into the community, you have something to give to the community. You don't go there just to take. So I had to let them in. And they they let me in. So being let into that space, I started to see how God was providing for my son and I. My son gained friends from some of my co-workers who are like my like I ain't called my co-workers, my sisters, some of their um children are still friends with my son to this day. And that's what they showed me what community he is. They gave me access, they took me to a door. God took me to a door through them, and I was key, and I opened up that door to obtain what was mine. It filled me, it made me it filled spaces where I didn't have to do things I didn't want to do. Okay, it felt good to be in those spaces, and I carry them with me to this day. That's what community does for us when we do it. I could have fought and just stayed trying to do it on my own. I could have went to back to Detroit, like, yeah, I'm gonna make a name for myself. I'm gonna show them who I am and put on this status quo. I'm I'm coming from a land of this and I could have done that. I could have, it would have broke me though. And I wouldn't say it would have broke me like financially or broke my, it would have broke my soul, it would have broke my thinking, it would have broke my son, it would have taken me into avenues that I couldn't afford. It would have took me into places where I would have not been my authentic self. And that would have been a form of isolation. I would have isolated myself from things that were God's thing. And that isolation is a dangerous place because there, even it could have took me into a place of depression. I would have just, I could have not tried to do it on my own, or just listen to my dad, and like, you know what? Let me go back to this baby daddy who don't really want me, who really don't want his child, who really don't have our best interests at heart, who really does not have the ability to be a father. That would have been the isolation, in my opinion, versus the independence going and doing what I want to do, how I want to do it. I don't want to do neither one of them because they both look costly, because I see, yes, we are independent, but I'm we're independent to the point that we're dependent on God. The path that I took was surrendering myself to God's will for my life, and that took me into a place of dependence into community. Yet it took me, I was still independent, not fully aware of just moving on my own. in tune but in tune with the with my source so I chose I chose the path that I knew that was healthy for my son and I healthy for myself mentally and it was a great choice it won't I won't say everything was spectacular like it was just always oh roses in it but every day was good it was good because I learned and I unlearned and I grew and I healed I was cultivated I was nurtured I was affirmed I was the things that God does for us I was acknowledged and mothers we need that we need that in our walk we need that as we're growing we're no if you're a single mom of more than one you need it you need a community navigating I had to learn to navigate a space where now just not being an entrepreneur solo meaning just myself I'm a single mother who's an entrepreneur what does that look like what did that look like I had to navigate the space that in in the summers my mom was like well noah can come down here for a little bit um trusting that all my son's gonna be away from him and missing my child because I want him to be a part of what the things that I'm doing then if I had been asking my community is someone available to watch him would you be okay watching him and not feeling obligated like this guilt. I was sometimes I will battle with this guilt like when I ask someone that now that I ask you to do something for me that you have to do something I have to do something back in return for you like I I I battle with that and sometimes to this day to this present day like I have to I gotta do something for you because you did something for me just do it just allow someone to do something for you and when it's time for you to do something in return maybe not just necessarily to that person or to someone else do it uh gratitude of thank you uh a payment of cooking a meal or in turn washing their children whatever it may be don't allow guilt or obligation to dictate to you how you move I prayed a lot concerning my kid who I laugh with where should he go things like that and I know people like well if it's community everybody should be safe you say should you want your children to be with people who are going to nurture them who know who they are who's gonna align with the call and the purpose on their lives that's important that's truly important was have I been perfect about doing that all the time no I haven't but that's where learning grows that's where learning comes that's what wisdom comes that's what God shows you how to navigate those spaces I had to ask for help from the people that I knew that I could ask I couldn't do it all by myself I just couldn't and I wasn't gonna act like I could so if you're in that space and asking for help is like oh my God doing that I don't want to I don't have nobody this is that like I just said I asked people who I did not know I knew them from us working together as going out you know being around each other in our work area spaces but as far as like people's home life their background where they come from who their mama who their daddy who their sister who their brother I didn't know all that I had to trust God and also teach my son that when you go over here this that we are our children's first teacher so I had to communicate I had to learn how to communicate with my son on his level but also give him some foundational tools for when he's not with mommy put him in school put him in preschool all the all the things I had to put him in environments where he could still learn with children his age so he can get cognitive skills and phonics and all the things so he can evolve as a a human so yeah that's what helps us don't sit up here and try to do it all by yourself find some structure that was having structure having a discipline having a bedtime for you your children and yourself like that is key with being a single mom a single mother and entrepreneur or even if you're not an entrepreneur you work every single day having a schedule set having a bedtime set for yourself having days where I clean having days where you rest having days where you hang out with your kid having days where you hang out with yourself having a that's creating balance exercising moving your body and I'm like I know that that sounds like a lot and sometimes even in this present moment I still struggle with it but at the same time I have a structure rising up a little bit before they do I'm getting it accustomed to that because I'm telling you right now after nine o'clock is what I really prefer but 6 a.m is hitting a little different but when I wake up at 6 a.m it gives me space and it gives me time to do a little more to get some clean up the house a little bit straighten up a little bit eat some breakfast prepare my lunch make sure that my key has everything that he needs so be mindful in that in that space okay that's how you navigate that space I want to share with you three things that community actually requires three and this is real talk like this is yeah number one vulnerability before trust I did say that yes vulnerability before trust we wait until we trust someone before we're vulnerable but vulnerability is actually what builds trust some of y'all just was like yeah key no you gotta earn my trust I know I'm raising my hand look I'm gonna raise my right hand to God yep was me on that page too until I noticed that when I'm honest with all my vulnerability when I let my vulnerability just go I get more authentic responses I get authentic help I see God's hand in favor I get uh an unction in my own spirit I get direction from my own intuition I am able to sense what's right and what's wrong discern between the two I know how to navigate some spaces when I am vulnerable not when I'm strong not when I got it all together not when I need to trust you first before I let you in my space now don't go off the hinges y'all and be like okay well he said you know we got to be vulnerable so I'm just gonna let everyone in no that's not what I'm saying what I'm saying let me give some examples to some people you in this space and you you're let me say you're working with someone and you just have a good sense about their energy like oh you know what and y'all just it's a connection there it's a synergy there y'all talk y'all can y'all talk on the same y'all on the same level have a lot of interest and some things align and it's some things that you want to share because you don't have space to share with nobody else but you feel like I can you can kind of share with this person share with the person because at the end of the day I've learned also that when I'm vulnerable in some areas sometimes when I'm around people my vulnerability they may have some strength for it and what I mean they may have some wisdom to share with me to help strengthen me in that area or have some tools for me to exercise or have some means for me to have for me to not feel so weak that's community sis no it's not easy to do well I've done I've been vulnerable before key and it's always led me wrong I let the wrong people in that's it right there you let the wrong people in you let who you thought looked right in. And I'm gonna get to that so number one vulnerability before trust is which comes first for you ask yourself this question and has it cost you connection has it because sometimes we will we will miss it number two releasing the I don't want to be a burden lie I don't want to be a burden you know I didn't ask for no help because I don't want to be a burden I don't like being a burden of nobody I don't want to have I don't want to ask somebody for help excuse me pride pride pride pride pride pride pride pride mm mm mm mm mm mm independent I'm independent I don't need nobody I just got me and God I don't know what Bible you're reading but God throughout this whole Bible God got a lot of people around a lot of people and why do you think with your beautiful brown self white skinned self with your beautiful self whatever color you are that you think you're a burden on somebody where did you get that belief where did that belief come from who taught you that your knees were too much who taught you that someone I've said that too praying to God so everything I'm saying says this ain't just me talking to y'all this is me I told y'all I'm healing in front of y'all who said that and sometimes what I found out for myself y'all I told myself that and because I told myself that so much I believed that someone else taught me that and it a part of it came the root of it came from I'm a latchkey kid I don't know if y'all some of y'all y'all will know that latchkey kids was from the 80s and 90s. You know we went home and some are still some latchkey kids to this day you know I get home by myself when I get home I gotta call my mom and let her know I'm home. I gotta lock up the doors don't let nobody in till mommy come in. I call her for everything I fix my own food I do my own homework I watch TV and if I want to go outside if I my mama trusts me enough I can go outside but I can't let nobody in that house while she ain't there because if I do I'm gonna get my butt in trouble I stay in the house until my mama comes home and back then that was oh that was still cool anywho because of how I was raised and a lot of us were raised like that it puts it puts us in a uh I believe that puts us in a place of a certain level of independence where we have to grow up a little faster and if we have younger siblings we grow up even faster because parents are at work and we're taking care of a younger sibling so now I have to do this. I have to help my mom out because my mom or my dad or my guardian whoever grandma auntie whoever's taking care of is saying take care of your little sister make sure your little brother has this make sure you got this you got to do this you got to do that and they're delegating all these adult responsibilities onto you but not realizing that you're still a child yourself and you need a space to be clumsy be playful be youthful be fun be carefree still learn still grow and that you're still evolving that your mind your brain hasn't fully developed yet so as you go into your adulthood you're not used to asking anyone for any type of help because you've been the one that they come to when they need a backup you a great assistant but no one has ever assisted you and a lot of times back in the day our parents would think well if I'm putting the roof over your head and I'm feeding you and you got clothes on your back I'm doing what I'm supposed to do technically yeah but emotionally the child is yep y'all catch my drift only reason why I can say what I just said because again raising my right hand to God I've been there I know that statement I don't want to be a burden I would say how unlearning how I unlearned that prayer journaling therapy therapy journaling prayer asking God for help how do I change it how do I undo it can this be changed I have to change this I want to be able to ask for help I don't want to feel like I'm an isolation island when I'm in a room full of people that's because the younger version of yourself was not nurtured it didn't come up with community it doesn't know how to ask for help it was it was taught a seed was planted to be independent to grow to do your own thing to be able to survive and take care of you I think I got and I think I have two I have the two strikes again I'm an only child and I'm an old I'm an only child from my mom and the oldest daughter from my dad and they say the only kid syndrome and the um the eldest daughter syndrome they're both real things believe me and I'm not trying to put a title on myself and I'm not trying to put myself in a victim mentality or anything like that but it has been a road to recovery for me to ask for help to receive the help to accept the help and not when I get the help feel some type of way like they want something back from me so free yourself says prayer journaling finding a safe space to talk about it and therapy okay I love you last the three the last the third one choosing your people intentionally I gotta mention this in the first one with the vulnerability before trust choosing your people intentionally is important. How do I choose my people intentionally if you have a relationship with Christ ask God who is my real friends who is my associates who is the people here put them categorize them now I'm not saying going around categorizing everybody but knowing who should be in your inner court and your holy of holies and all the things because some of us is lit letting people have access to our very close proximity where God is in our lives and they don't own that they don't they don't deserve that some of them need to be outside where you come out and you meet with them because being in a real close proximity of you that means it's a responsibility there and it's responsibility for you if you're in somebody else's that's what I believe not everyone deserves access to your real you how do you know who your people are your people I believe when God sends people God said community actually looks like accountability it looks like iron sharpened iron that means we ain't always gonna get along that mean you're gonna say something that's gonna get on my nerve but I'm gonna get corrected and be like yeah she was right though well yeah he was right though that's community it's reciprocity there it's growth there it's nurturing it's cultivating it's filling each other's cup is holding each other up that's God say it is the other one we look good on outside we just you know we go out we look good we go to we brunch all the time we got the latest this we got the latest that and I'm not saying that well guys you can't look good that is not what I'm saying because I look good and y'all look good too not saying that but that's as far as he goes one is the other and no real conversations ain't no challenging conversations ain't no growth conversations ain't no look you're not gonna be in this state all the time let's talk about it let's deal with it let's grow through it other other community relationships just want you put on the back burner and and put on this facade that we got it all together we're here we're whole we're here this is how it's supposed to look but not really dealing with the root of situations the root of why I'm I'm the insecurity the low self-esteem the I don't want to be a burden independent I gotta be independent I gotta do my own thing so it's difference prayer and I'm always gonna say prayer and prayer don't have to be like this long 30 minute 50 minute prayer that's not what I'm saying prayer when you meet new people you feel like a is a synergy there you feel a vibe the energy seems good seems authentic pray God who is this person could this be a friend God said all your way to acknowledge him in all of them everything simple it's a simple way this week like I told y'all before this week I um it's a journal prompt to go with all this I'm saying so get your journals out get that favorite journal get that favorite pen or talk into your phone whatever however you want to use it this week's journal prompt prompts are where in your life have you been isolating yourself and calling it independence and who in your life pours into you the way you pour into others when is the last time you let them in just when was the last time I ain't laughing at you I'm laughing with you write both of these out and be honest with yourself sis and before we go I need you to know something okay so come in the fact that you're here you listening to this and watching this is the community you showed up and I see you showed up and I see you I love you and I'll meet you right back here next Tuesday next week we got a special guest he I'm almost at the giveaway they are her the apple of my eye the next thing next to Jesus Christ that I love with all of my heart so stay tuned and until next time remember to awaken a wide eye woman inside peacefully What is the rep on today's episode? Share this with someone who needs it leave a review if it means something to you it helps more people find us follow Big Eye Girl podcast on Instagram TikTok Facebook and YouTube new episodes every Tuesday affirmations every Monday journal prompts every Wednesday and join the Big Eye Girl inner circle free in the link in the show notes or upgrade to our exclusive membership for bonus recordings live monthly meetups and more I love you I'll meet you back here next Tuesday for now I am Key and girl keep your eyes open